Lost in the Moment

NYE PICS

2007-01-25T01:04:00.000-08:00

I have waited so long for these pics from new years,,,,perhaps i shall share them with you all

JUSTICE

2007-01-14T00:46:00.000-08:00

So I havnt benn blogging latley, dont know why. I try and tell myself that its because I have nothing to talk about but I never did in the first place but I somehow have tons of blogs haha. Well I have already started typing so this is obv going to add to my collection. Im watching the grudge right now (just something to add to my nothingness)
So anyways , last night i was soooo bored! So bored infact that i sat and recorded myself singing all the songs i wrote while playing guitar at the same time and then recorded blessed be your name 3 times!!!! Its kinda cool to listen to them after tho haha.
Tonight I volenteered at a shelter with B (ROOMATE) and man it was sooo....I dunno how to describe with out it coming out wrong. Lets just say that I am 10000 times more excited to serve God through the street ministry. I was telling my dentist (more close family friend) about how i want to do street ministry and he was like "why the hell would you help thos ppl!?" Then he went on about how he hates the fact that he pays taxes to them or something like that. Anyways that right there wanted me to do it even more.

LET JUSTICE REIGN!!!!!! PRAISE THE LORD!

Nicole Brindle

2007-01-11T01:44:00.000-08:00

-NICOLE BRINDLE-

You're a true friend,
that I want you to know,
Our love for each other
has helped us to grow.
We've been through some tough times,
but we've made it through,
The only one I ever trusted was you.

You helped me through anger,
you've chased away fears.
You held me through sadness,
and kissed away tears.
You stayed by my side
when the world turned away.
You helped me see joy
when the skies were all gray.

You were the rainbow
at the end of the storm.
You help me be different
when I shouldn't conform.
You held my hand
when you knew we would fall.
Every heartache, you saw me through it all.

I'm not sure I'm always the best friend to you,
I know I'm not perfect,
but this much is true.
When life gets you down,
And there's nowhere to turn,
I'll help you through
and I'll share your concern.

I'll try my best to return every favor,
When you're sure that you'll drown,
then I'll be your lifesaver;
Even if we both go down.
Whether we sink or swim
doesn't matter at all,
Just know that I'll be there
whenever you call.

I'll pull you out
when life pulls you under.
I'll be the sun
when there's lightning and thunder.
And when it's all over,
And we've fought every war,
There's one thing I promise,
Of this I am sure,

When the time comes
that we're put to our rest.
Be sure that you know that,
My friend, you're the best.
And if there is Heaven,
then I know you'll be there,
That if you die first
then you'll hear every prayer.

And soon I'll join you,
but just know until then.
That I'll miss you each day
'til I see you again.
At the end of the tunnel,
you'll be my guiding light,
You'll lead me to heaven,
away from the night.

We'll be there together,
and we'll never grow old.
And we'll walk hand in hand
On the streets paved of gold.
~I love you Nicole~
~Best Roommates eva~

2006-12-17T22:26:00.000-08:00

So I heard it was good to carry other peoples burdans....if you give them to Jesus. Im doing good at taking other peoples burdans but Im having a hard time giving them up because it feels like if I give it up than nothing will happen...I guess to Jesus it looks like I dont trust he can do what he can. I didnt just relize that till now...but what does giving it to him look like?
I went with my friend to her altrasound to see her soon to be baby and it was AMAZING seeing life forming in her on a screen. It blew me away and made it feel so much more real. Seeing that life felt like seeing Jesus. Hard to explain.
Anyways she is 18 and is scared shitless of having it. She feels she has no way of having it. Like its not possable. I keep giving her all these options and support but everytime an option comes up she shuts it down.
She wants to kill it and I feel like her minds already made up. Im so scared and its driving me insane. It almost feels like its my problem.
Anyways Pray and get others to pray to. THIS IS A BIG ONE FOLKS

MUCH GRACE TO YOU

When everything you touch...

2006-12-02T01:56:00.000-08:00

So its been a week since my fight with my dad. Wow that went by fast. Anyways I dont want to talk about that. Im not to sure what I want to talk about actually.
Im really excited to start over here. I have been laying low from alot of people tho. Only till I figure myself out. It may seem kind of harsh but Im really scared of being around people I love. Like this whole week I practically been inside my home or the holly house because I am scared of screwing up r hurting someone close to me. I have completly drove my own family insane and they have totally let me down. Goes both ways.
Have you ever heard that fairy tail of that guys and everything he touches goes to stone or gold or something??? Well thats how I feel. I feel like everyone and everything I come close to I hurt. And it goes the other way to. So far everyone I love and trust has totally let me down and in someway or another hurt me or scared me. There are only those couple people left that havnt fallen into these catagories. I am so scared that I will lose them too. Then I will have no one. Im not quite sure what I am doing other than trying to get through what life is throwing at me. I know that I have made stupid choices but everyone does...so why are people giving up on me so fast???
For those of you who still have faith in me and are still by myside, Thank you. I know who you are and everything you do for me. I thank God everyday for you guys

Send Hope

Tash

Where Im loved back

2006-11-27T15:08:00.000-08:00

So here I am sitting here in my mom and step dads home about to tell you whats up. Yep you heard me! Im BACK!
My dad kicked me out with no where to go so I had to call Ian (my ex) I had to call his dad. So he came and got me and i spent the night there and then he got me a plane ticket to come home...took me two days to get home. My connecting flight to victoria was cancelled so I had to sleep over at the airport then wen I woke up today there they said that they were still cancelled and so I got on a bus with all of my stuff and I took the ferry home. Im too hurt and tired to get into details of what happend but in time I will type it all out.
Im so happy to be here with the people I love and that I know who will love me back.
But now Im back at square one. I have to find a place to live, get a job, get on assistant living and graduate.
Lord help me.
I need big time help, there is no way in heaven that I can do this on my own again. To be honest im so scared and done.
I need a boost.
Im so sorry for the fact that Im always asking for help and prayers but this journey isnt over and I need help.

Send Peace
Tash ><>

"WHERE DO YOU WANT ME?"

2006-11-20T21:45:00.000-08:00

Have you ever wondered if you're in the right place? Like are you right where God has planned for you to be? Or if things are suppose to happen the way they do even if its really bad?
Well I have a question for the big guy..."WHERE DO YOU WANT ME????"
I really felt like God wanted me to move in with my real dad in Calgary and finish school. Well My real dad and I are not getting along at all. And its not the small petty fights....its the big ones where Im scared to come home. Why?
Did God want me to move out here where I have no family and no friends and 1000000 miles away from everything I know? Plus Im living with a guy I dont know at all.
I want to come home only because I want my mom to cuddle me and tell me that everything will be ok. But I also want to stay here because I am in an amazing school and in cosmotology! I have two jobs and I like them both. I have made one friend so far and she has really made me feel better about being here.
Im not going to get into detail about me and my pops but I will say that Im scared shitless.
I have been in hard core tears all day and I went into my work today to call my mom (because my dad cancelled my cell) and I ended up being there for 4 and a half hours. I have an amazing manager. We talked for so long then he gave me his number if I need anything! Anyways I got home tonight and dad and his gf acted like nothing happend at all, even tho my face is swollen up like a beach ball and I can barley open my eyes.
Anyways...Im so lost. I dont know what God wants. I keep asking him but I havnt gotten a clear answer yet.
It feels like every decision I have to make I choose the wrong one. But I bet you anything that if I chose the oposite choice than I mad it would turn out bad as well. Is it suppose to be like this?
I need answers or I might ... I dunno................please pray.

Send some love. I need it

When he reminds you of your past, remind him of his future

2006-11-11T22:46:00.000-08:00

Hey!
So I FOUND A SCHOOL!!!! Plus It has cosmotolgy in it! Bonas right there ladies and gentelmen! I still dont know what im going to do about church but Im still doing my rations every day, and me and him are like this X.
I found a job! I am working at Denny's as a hostess with tips! Everything is starting to fall in a the right place. I start school on Tuesday and I kinda nervous.
Anyways so I met this girl at work who is the same age as me (she trained me too). We hit it off right away and I find out that she likes in the same complex as us. Only like 10 seconds away from her. Today I went over to her place, and sure enough the weed came out and the smokes that I have tried so hard to quit. I wont lie...I gave in...BUT THAT IS IT. So nothing has really changed from me living in Victoria. I like her tho, shes really nice and has a great personality. This just means I have to work a little harder to clean my life up.
I relized that moving away is not going to get rid of all my problems and temptations...it means that no matter where you go Satan WILL find a way to mess you up. Just like God, he will not give up on you....at least not for a while. I guess this is what seperates us from the weak to the strong.
I wont give up. I fell into it and felt really guilty. But someone once told me that when the devil reminds you of your past, remind him of his future. "PAT HUMBLE"
There is no time to dwell in the sin, only time to be more motivated for the next chance to scream NO in the enemy's face!!!!!!
PRAISE JESUS!!!! CAN I GET AN AMEN???? thanks :D
Well hope for the best for my new adventure.

Great love to you all now
CIOW

If I could just turn back time

2006-11-07T20:45:00.000-08:00

So I thought that moving to Calgary would really smooth out my life...ITS MORE MESSED UP THAN EVER! I thought this is what God wanted...well I dont know anymore because I cant find a school and I am not getting along with my Dad who I just met two months ago and I cant find a church close enough for me to attend. Im really scared. I know no one out here and I am really scared of making friends. I came here to graduate and thats it. As soon as that deploma is in my hand Im on the first plane back. Only thing is,,is that if I go to school here it will take 10 times as long to grad as it would in BC!
I CANT FIND A CHURCH EITHER!
I prayed alot today about it, and asked Jesus his thoughts....basically he told me not to give up so fast and to trust him. SOOOO im giving myslef ONE month and if I am not attending a good school and have a part time job and if me and my dad are still not getting along then I am coming home...
But then I am back at square one. I will have no place to go, and the places I can go are shit. Also I will have to go to work full time just to make rent and eat. So i will have no time for school. Unless I am lucky and get on that youth agreement cheque then all I have to worry about is finding a good place to live and going to school so I can graduate.
I hope Jesus will open doors out here. Im praying hard...and if you can pray too it may help a bit.
People say the power of prayer is strong...I guess I will find out soon.

PLEASE HELP ME OUT IN PRAYER!
TASH

Is it really worth it?

2006-10-31T23:46:00.000-08:00

So...here I am...in CALGARY...WITH SNOOOWWWW!!!!!!!
Its halloween tonight and I had to miss out on everything. Oh well. Im kinda excited to be here, dont get me wrong, im scared shitless...leaving all my friends and family and the place i have lived my whole life....what is God thinking???? His plan better be flippen amazing! taking me out of my own city and what not! haha
ohhh I love that guy
So I was thinking...whats the purpose of dating really...is not just a way to kill time untill you get married??? I think its such a waist of time...the guy/girl is usually not the one God has for you, so why waist your time? The only thing you get out of this is friendships that have faded, drama, no time for anything, and alot of pain in the end. I dunno, maybe its my bitterness to the male species.. :S
Dont get me wrong, its nice to have the guy who holds you and your hand, and says those cute random things and bla bla bla. Im not gunna lie, I wish i had that right now...but then i think "is all that lust worth getting crushed in the end?" YA OK BUDDY! NOT FOR ME NO MORE!
Im trying to learn how to let Jesus fill that hole. He is clearly the only man any girl NEEDS, it may not be the one she wants but the one she needs. See we dont need guys in our lives, we just want them. So next time you feel you "need" a man to fill you life...its really Jesus your craving! COOL EH?
Anyways...im tired and i still have to unpack....

Grace to you brothers and sisters.........haha
Tash

Blonde Beauty and a some extra

2006-10-25T00:45:00.000-07:00

Hey, so I havnt blogged in forever...
IM BLONDE NOW!!!!! Wierd eh? Anyways, so im sitting here with ashley at 12:44 am. We just watched the butterfly effect 2 and it sucked big time plus there was tooo much sex in it!!
So I leave for CALGARY ON HALLOWEEN!!!! Im a lil nervous, only about the school part tho. PRAY for me please!!!! Im so scared i wont grad this year and that i will just give up. I really want to go to te War college in september...like thats my goal and motavation. Im really excited tho if i do tho!!! Man my heart is set on going to the war college!
Do you ever get ....anxious on what God has planned for you???? Because i feel like i know what he wants or has planned for me but at the same time i have no clue. I hate that because i feel like i need to be physically doing something for his plan to work out, i know everyone says "let God do his work", but what if im doing something thats messing it up or making the wrong choices (not bad ones) like that type of choices that will change your future you know? Well Im going to continue to trust him....but im just getting scared of every choice that comes into my life.
So lets talk about what Nicole Brindle is teaching me these days....HUMILITY AND EXTRAVAGANT LOVE.
She is amazing i swear i have told a million people about her these past weeks. She goes sooooo far for people whether she gets something back or not. Her actions are briliant and amzing i cant even comprehend. Like how i wasnt allowed to go to youth counsells! She did everything in her power to try and get me to go....sure enough i still wasnt allowed, but i got over it....only she didnt. The wole time right up to like 3 hours before they left to go to camp, she had no idea if she was gunna go or sacrafice and stay with me. I finally convinced her to go and to be with the girls that needed her. That morning was hard because i saw the van leave and my room mate was being a bitch..so i decided to go up to my room and pack...AND OF COURSE I DCIDED TO TAKE DOWN MY PICS AND WHAT ARE THE CHANCES OF THEM ALL BEING FROM CAMP. So that made it so much worse. So i called nicole wen they were in duncan or something and told her i was having a crappy day already. She got sad and wanted to come back down but i wouldnt let her.
2 hours later i called to ask if i could talk to robin. she asked if i could wait an hour and i said no just pass her the cell. Then she said she couldnt because she was on the ferry...this confussed me because she should have been on it with them.
So i finally asked where the hell she was....she says shes FLIPPEN ON HER WAY BACK DOWN. I cried and i couldnt beleive it.SHES AMAZING. I felt bad but if thats what God was telling her to do then let him do his work right? haha
So she gets down here and says get in the car and lets go to naniamo to go see charis! So i was like lets do it. The car ride was sooooo funnn!!! Anyways to cut it short i spent the weekend with one of my best friends who i have not seen in a year and a bit and nicole made it to camp the next morning.
Notice how i stopped correcting my grammer and stuff? hahah i love that about bloggin...you start slow and make everything perfect then you start typing faster and dont care anymore. I LOVE BLOGGIN I MISSED IT.
Anyways i will blog again to tell you every detail of how nicole is brilliant and how God works in mysterious ways? Sound like a plan? thought sooo....im smart :)

Anyways Ashley needs this little device here ( computer) so i am going to sleep now..

Love Tash.....send me money...i need it :D

Lost and found

2006-10-18T02:07:00.000-07:00

Tasha
You are in my heart forever
The first time I held you in my arms and
You wrapped your tiny little hand around my
Finger, I felt my heart swell with joy and pride
that I had never felt before in my life!
I knew from that moment, that the little miracle
That I held in my arms, would forever change my life.
Your smile was the sunshine in my heart.
Your laughter & giggles filled my heart with joy!
Nothing else in my life seemed to matter.
Although you were taken from me, the one thing that
kept me going each day was,
The love & Joy that you
had brought into my life for that short time, was tucked
away deep down in a very special place in my heart!
And that I knew that NO ONE could ever take that
away from Me!
Letting you go was not easy! I spent many of nights
alone crying myself to sleep, thinking of you!
But as I look at you now~ a Beautiful young woman,
strong in your convictions and determined to face life
on your own terms~ and I still feel my heart swell with
pride and joy!
My dreams for your life might not always be the same
ones you seek. But one thing remains the same: Your
happiness will always be my greatest Treasure!
I know now that the true miracle of that first touch
lies in one simple truth:
Even though your hand may slip away from mine, we
will hold each other in that special little place in our hearts
Forever!
Love Always ; your Dad.xoxo…

Punishment?

2006-09-29T14:53:00.000-07:00

So shall we talk about consquences? (spelling???)
So most of you all know i have had quit the year. I have gotten myself into alot of trouble...not nessasaraly (spelling???) with people, but just with my own life. Anyways, i decided to turn my life around for real this time and If I do say so myslef, im doing amzing! I am so proud of myself. But.....now that i have passed the crappy phase...i now have to deal with my actions and the consquence that goes with my actions. The big one right now is not being allowed to go somewhere that i look forward to going every year.
When i first found out i wasnt allowed to go i lost it! But a couple weeks have passed and that gave me a chance to think it over and accept it....but there is a catch to me accepting it. I dont have a problem with the punishment, but i do if imm the only one being punished.
See if its fair im fine with it, if its not then i wont let it slide by me....I FIGHT!
There were many otheres who did way worse and they are NOT getting punished. Im sooo not ok with that, so i am trying to do something about it...but in a "christian" matter.
Please pray that my voice is heard wen i talk to the people i need to talk to and that i listen to what i need to hear.

TASHY!

Peace is seeing a sunset and knowing who to thank

2006-08-17T00:49:00.000-07:00

Im feeling really good right now, its wierd, so i thought i should "blog it up."
Im really feeling gods presence as we speak for some reason...i didnt even ask for it. I love it. I think he has given me peace about everything that is going on because I dont feel overwhelmed anymore.
I really feel like everything is going to work out the way he wants it to. I have almost quit doing drugs completly, now all is left is the weed. I quite smoking but started again the other day, so i need work on that. I still drink but not often and i dont drink to get drunk anymore.
Things are really looking up now. He is amazing, I always knew that I just didnt let myself experiance his touch for a long time, probably cuz I wanted to be in control of my life and fix it myself and i thought if i let go of it and gave it to him everything would fall apart.
I really had no faith when i said i did. Im relaxed now tho, and it feels good, i havnt felt like this in a long time.

Class Ring

2006-08-15T00:50:00.000-07:00

Class Ring

Close by the door he paused to stand,
as he took the class ring off her hand.
All who were watching didn't dare speak
as a silent tear ran down his cheek.

All through his mind, memories ran
of the times they laughed and walked hand in hand.
But now her eyes looked very cold;
he'd never have her again, never to hold.

All were silent as he bent down near
to whisper "I love you" in her ear.
In touching her face he started to cry;
he put on his class ring and wanted to die.

And just as the wind began to blow,
they lowered her casket into the snow.
This is what happens to those alive,
when friends let friends drink and drive.

2 corinthians 4-17-18

2006-08-12T01:45:00.000-07:00

For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all! So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unsen is eternal . 2 Corinthians 4: 17-18

Earlier tonight I wrote a blog on how stressed out and Lost I am. Then like not even two min after i finished I was reading Pats blog and came across that verse and burst into tears all over again. Its crazy too because i know that verse from a couple years ago from my ex. Anyways i havnt heard it since, but i was trying to find it a couple months ago one night but then gave up. BUT NOW I FOUND IT! THANKS PAT!
Anywho there is a specific part in that verse that really punches me in the face. "For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal!"
Great eh? Well to me that part of the verse means that the devil provides only temporary happiness, fun, whatever you want it to be, but God provides eternal happiness, fun, whatever you want it to be again.
We often choose Satan because he will make us happy right away when and where we want it, but it will never last. But if we wait for JC to give us happiness or whatever, and we are patiant and obediant then it will be eternal and totally worth it dont you agree?
I like how it uses "seen and unseen" because like in life your natural instinct is to trust something you can see right? Well for the most part. But with Christianity its the other way around. Its like God has a blindfold around our eyes, we have to trust that he will guid us down the right path and keep us safe.
I dont know where this is going or if it made sence but it made me feel 10% better about life...

Cheers Mang

Todays Mess

2006-08-11T23:07:00.000-07:00

Ok, I need to get this out of me so here I go....(this may seem extremly random). Right now this is my life: I am a couch surfer...i moved out in may and have been to four different places to live. I wont lie, I got mixed up with drugs sex and beer and now I feel trapped. People keep trying to get involved and try to "fix" my life, without telling me or anyone. So I have no trust in anyone except those special people god gave me.
Anyways heres todays mess. Ok...I have never met my real dad or ever talked to him...he has never been brought up and when he has, its been by my mom and all that she has ever told me was that hes a heavy drunk and beat her so bad then left us. Anyways a couple weeks ago i was having a heart to heart with my grandma (my real dads mom) and at the end of the convo she asked if i ever thought about my dad. I was in shock cuz she NEVER talked about him. I said everyday and i told her i wanted to meet him. A week goes by and she calls me and said he called (and he only calls once a year) and she never said anything to him before that so wen he called he had no idea that i talked to her about him. Anyways, she told him what i said and he started to cry...so now hes coming out to meet me!!! IM SO SCARED I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO!.
Anyways so i called my grandma today to talk about moving up there for school, and we started talking about my dad again...very emotional convo i may add....and she asked me what i knew about him, and all i know of him is what my mom told me. So i told her what my mom told me and she said it was not true and it was all a huge lie, and that my mom told her that she lied about it and that she was sorry...but see, this is the first time me hearing this. I found out sooo much tonight that i had no idea happend.
Anyways, I need a place to live come september, and it needs to be out of victoria or i will continue to fall. So I am moving to naniamo if everything goes right...but the thing is, grandma wants me to move to alberta with my dad :S
I dont know what to do or how to do it. Im soooo stressed and scared. I know God is doing something big but i dont know what and i dont know what he wants me to do. dont tell me to pray about it cuz I am. But time is running out and i have no where to go. I have no final answers form anyone.....
Did I get myslef into this mess or is this part of His plan???????

Kick it

2006-08-10T13:25:00.000-07:00

How hard can it be to kick a bad habbit? Obviously you want to kick it cuz you dont want it, and usually wen people dont like something they dont want it and they get rid of it just like that. But its easier said than done and that is what i dont understand. Like sin, its easier to sin than to live a godly life, clearly all the amazing life is with Christ so why do we choose to walk the other way???? Is it harder to run with Him than Satan??? To me it sure is, and that is what i cant understand no matter how much time i spend thinking about it. Satan temps us, there is no questioning that, but does God ever tempt us as much as satan does??? I dont know any of the answers to these questions anymore. Help me out

Do It...I Dare You

2006-08-04T03:18:00.000-07:00

How often do people tell you they love you or they think you're beautiful? Or even give you a hug? If you are like me , you dont hear them or feel them very often....but from another view, I feel and hear them every second of the day, if I let myself accept it....and if you didnt get the hint, the one who tells me and holds me is Christ duh!
This week I have been in Vancouver staying with one of the most special people in my life....and we have told each other that we love eachother, and the feeling from those three words fills up a huge chunk of my life that has been lacking love for a while.
And man oh man those hugs!!!!!!!!! I dont think i can stress enough how amazing they feel wen you havnt had one in a very long time.....GO HUG SOMEONE RIGHT N For real tho, you need it and so does the person next to you

2006-07-28T00:28:00.000-07:00

Nothing Girl

Maybe I wear baggies
and white socks with flip-flops,
maybe I don't like listening to rave
and I'm not on the social mountaintops,
maybe I don't care about the things
that make your worlds twirl,
maybe you look at me and think:
Gee, what a nothing girl.

Maybe I like giving smiles
which seems to be a sin today,
and maybe I allow my imagination
to sometimes run away,
maybe you don't understand this
and that's why you cannot see,
if this make me a nothing girl,
hey, that's ok with me!

The world makes you believe
your personality mustn't be detected,
your face must be picture perfect
and wear cloths just the best, to be accepted.
Maybe I look at you
and feel sorry that you're blind,
robots you have became,
yourself you'll never find.

God made you, as well as me,
this means I am something,
the world is a liar
and if I must be a nothing
for you to see it,
then so be it!

2006-07-27T23:43:00.000-07:00

Why is it always hard to quit the bad things but not the good things...? just like spending is easier than saving and loosing weight is always harder then gaining it!!!!!
I know that God gave us free will, hoping that we would choose right from wrong, but why and how did right and wrong end up being the way they are??? The bible and people always say that god is wayyyy more satisfying that satan...and if thats true (which I know is true) than why does he make it so hard...if it was easy than i bet this world and peoples lives would be sooo much more happier.
Also, how can people just say they live life as it comes? You have to work really hard for a good life in this crappy world we live in!!! I f we just lived it than we would be in shit. You have to forever be looking where you step, what you say and what you do so that you dont fall down...but maybe that /is life. Maybe thats just what we are suppose to live for. I guess kinda preparing ourself for eternal life with god...thats our reward. Its an awsome reward, but what about while we are still here in this world...like i wont lie, life for me right now is right down there in the gutter...but that for another blog....but what im saying is, we try and try and try for a better life...its like we are never satisfied...and wen we are we stop trying then we start to sliiiiiiiiiide. Its soooo tiring to the point of giving up. I dont know....life is like one long rainy day with just seconds of sunlight
What do you really think?